1. Miguel Angel Jimenez Rodriguez (look it up)
Dos Equis is discontinuing their “most interesting man in the world” ad campaign (pour one out), but Miguel Angel is still going strong as the “most interesting man in golf.” The man with the best name in golf, who was once offered water and told the guy “my friend, water is for fish,” HAS to be in my group. I want him to just drop quotes like birdies all day in his Spanish accent. I’ll even bring the Cubans; the embargo is all but over.
2. Boo Weekley
Wild card, but picture this - you get all of your tee shot on a par four, except it’s heading a little left towards the water. You get up there and hey, it’s dry. But, it’s sitting about three yards from the vicious jaws of a massive gator! Thank goodness you brought Boo along to wrestle his scaly gator ass back in the pond. You don’t want to end up like Chubbs Peterson getting your hand cut off in your prime. Bonus - the rest of the time you can listen to him ramble about redneck things, and who doesn’t love that.
3. Rickie Fowler, Smylie Kaufman, Justin Thomas
I don’t even have a joke for this one. Their spring break trip to the Bahamas looked dope, they play golf the way the game was meant to be played (shirtless and in golf sandals), and oh yeah they’re superstars on the PGA Tour. And sorry to Jordan Spieth, we “forgot to call him.” (Seriously kid, be more of a dial tone.)
4. Tiger (mid-2000s)
Had to throw in the “mid-2000s” caveat because who wants to see 2016 Tiger hit three in the water on a par three? He would really just slow down the group and cause a backup on the tee box. Can you imagine having to wave a foursome of 70 year old men through because Tiger’s Swedish model wife broke a 9-iron over his back like seven years ago? Absolutely embarrassing. Get Tiger in his golden years out there and you have an actual story to tell your buddies. Today, he’d just be that embarrassing friend you swear was “pretty good last time I played with him.”
T5. Jason Dufner
I have such mixed feelings on Duff. I want to golf and chew with him, but I want him to be 230 pounds and good at golf again. Guy was the reason I still felt good about myself a few years ago; if an overweight dip fiend can be good at golf, why not me? Losing the weight threw off his entire swing. But I have to confess, I have an ulterior motive to Duff being on this list. I want, no I NEED to snag Amanda’s number off his phone and see what she’s up to, maybe grab a couple drinks after the round? I heard she was single.. Or that she was with Tiger. Or both.
T5. Dustin Johnson
Paulina Gretzky aside (and put a pin in that), you know DJ has some wild stories. Before he had The Great One breathing down his neck, there was the white powder and the strippers (allegedly; also, I made up the strippers part). And we can’t forget his kid, child of a PGA star and a smoking hot Instagram model, whose grandfather was the greatest hockey player of all time. Kid is still in diapers and was already voted “most likely to succeed” by his high school graduating class. I bet DJ would love some time to vent with a random blogger on a golf course.
By Rick and Drew (friends of Swannies, fans of the game)