2017 Swannies Summer Scramble: Pre-round odds

And we’re two days away from the second annual Swannies Beer Olympics Scramble-palooza. Most syndicated outlets have dubbed it the official unofficial “Party of the Year” (at least in Farmington). In our first official year, we’ve filled the field with 144 players, a pond full of swans, and some special water features. The format is a 9 hole scramble with 3 Beer Olympics games – each worth a two stroke deduction off your score for that hole. As for any legitimate tournament, Vegas has kindly aggregated odds for select teams participating this Saturday (if someone on the Swannies team knows you OR if your social profiles are maybe a bit too public, you’re probably on the list!):

3-1 Team Buege (Colton, McCabe, Tai, Bryan) – Someone once claimed that chicks dig the long ball and Colton can rip it with the best of ‘em. This team is stacked with ringers. Anything but a place in the Slip N’ Slide Finale would be a disappointing performance.

4-1 Any Team Involving a Schwappach (Mainly Schwappachs and one Big Z)

8-1 Team Terry (Terry, Terry, Terry, Some Guy Named Alex) – Three Terry’s in one group spells a whole lot of trouble. Nothing I’d like to see more than Tony Tilleson carrying these boys all the way to the Slip N Slide Finale and Terry having to ride it down 10 beers deep with his signature grin on the entire way. Just remember, Terry, you are an ambassador for Swannies

8-1 Mike McCabe & Bro’s (McCabe, Fowler, Phil, Dom)  – Team member Mikey tells us that these guys may be formidable opponents. If he wasn’t off galivanting in Ibiza the week before the tournament we might have more to say about these guys, but we’re pretty confident these are generous odds.

8-1 Andy Glad and friends (Geno, Justin, Trent, Tom) – One word: FLOW. Geno Glad has easily the best hair in the field. Don’t know what that means in relation to the tournament, but worth pointing out, as is the arm candy he’s usually spotted with (from what my sources tell me).

10-1 2011 White Bear Girls Golf Team (Sam Stang, Maddie, LP, Abbie Mo) – Out of all the drunk bro’s out there last year, these gals may have had the most fun. Buttery p’s will be out in full force (pitching wedges - mind outta the gutter guys) and Maddie will probably do her best Camillo Villegas impression on the greens. Hagel isn’t here to hit on Abbie Mo so that has to help performance. They’ll compete on the golf portion, without question, but the differentiator will come down to how they fare on Beer Olympic games. Plan wisely ladies, and keep Danny Quinn and his smile 5 feet away at all times.

10-1 Team Holen1Golf (Eric, Carson, Cole, Nate) – The biggest Swannies supporter in the field captains this group and his own brand. If karma is real, his genuinely friendly nature will propel his team to a top 5 spot on the leaderboard. Plus most of the other teams may have trouble standing.

10 -1 The Field – If you weren’t mentioned I either don’t know you well enough or couldn’t find any good evidence of you online. Stay woke, friends, stay woke.

12-1 Team Beavers (The Ordals, The Kemps, B Drew) – Recently married. About to be married. Midas whale be married. B Drew thought he was getting away from the wife for a day, but is headed straight into “Fifth Wheel” territory where he’ll have to negotiate the nuances of Ordal simultaneously getting beaked by everyone in the group. I’m expecting great uniforms from this crew (or at minimum all be wearing Kyle Korver mids).

12-1 Rocky Meets Darth Vader (Rocky, Vader, Beans, B Twice) Oh hi Mark. Two practice rounds complete (Adam Schefty reporting), and these boys are ready to roll (or worse off than had they not). Oodles of chemistry on this team with Captain free-wheelin’ and smiles galore Joey “Beans” Parise. If a couple of Beer Olympics games shake their way, Vader drops a long putt or two, they can make a run at the final finale.

12-1 Used to be Uptown, Now 280 Bro’s (Sam, Luke, Riley, Biehn Bag) – After an abysmal showing last year, the team kicked out their weak link and replaced him with the best putter in the tourney (BBB – Biehn Bag Baggot). Luke’s usually the one chirping your ear off, but if he begins to underperform the team will be lost under an avalanche of its own chirps. Hopefully Sam’s Sweet Smile keeps the beer flowin’ and the chemistry rollin’ all the way to the Slip N Slide showdown to avenge last year’s debacle.

15-1 Cody Blom & Co.I'll just leave this here.

15-1 Ronnie and the Boys (Ron, DQ, Coblin, Seelos) – Four words: Where is Chris Plumb? This team goes as far as Seelos carries them, literally. Ron will be out cold after a 45 minute party bus and Danny will be chatting up the White Bear Girls Team (see above). Coblin will probably be in full suit chatting up Sue Stang at the bar. But, if they can make it to the first tee they’re dangerous. SEND IT!

15-1 Cole Dilaura and friends – One look at Cole’s FB profile and I’ve arrived at a simple conclusion – this guy likes to party. Literally half of the pictures have some connection to getting after it. Over-under is two keg stands minimum by this group – game on.

18-1 Team Shirtless Ryan Laska (Laska, Kristen, Morgan, Jeff) – This guy has more pictures online with only an unzipped polyester jacket on than a wanna be boy band pop-star. For a lot of jobs these days though that’s actually in all likelihood a positive when it comes to recruiting. Hype man in Vegas. Hype man for Gronk. The possibilities are endless. Do we admit this guy is a Swannies Brand Ambassador?

18-1 Team Teddy (Teddy, Ryan, Luke, Dan) – Looks like some U of MN alumni and friends of Chris Plumb, so I already have an affinity for these guys. Ryan also looks great with puppies – best cover photo in the game. This team will be fun to watch.

20-1 Team Two-Mart (JP, Taylor, Garth Christ, Ben) – Two martins and one Garth Christ. If Garth’s golf game is anywhere near his rap game, we’ll all be in for a treat. Flow like a dragon’s talon.

20-1 Cookies and MJ (Mark Jacob, Drew Cook, David, TBD) – What happens when you pair a fashion icon with one of Swannies’ most infamous BA’s? I have no idea, but I’m secretly hoping it’s magical…

20-1 Team Timmy B (Aden, Ben, Tyler, Patrick) – Swannies summer intern rolled in a couple of groups – hell ya! If they’re as cool of cats as our boy Timmy B they’re here for all the right reasons and none of the wrong ones.

25-1 Team Swannies BA (Ben, Cody, Tanna, Mehran) – Gavin and Komorouski lead the Swannies BA plus gals crew into this year’s tourney. Assuming the gals will do most of the scoring in this group.

25-1 Team Butter Churners (AK, Brew, Mike Nelson, ) – There’s always a chance if you have the Wayne Gretzky of Beer Olympics  on your team – the one and only Randy Kline. This guy wins Beer Olympics games that haven’t even been invented yet. As long as a couple of this year’s LOL recruits can swing the sticks then this group is a well balanced mix of drinking and golf.

30-1 Team Delisle (Dan, Derek, Matt, Ally, Alice) – the Big D makes his glorious return to a professional venue. Will nerves abound? Will Joe Hau chirp him and the group the entire time? Give the Big D the Big Stick and swing for the fences big fella.

30-1 Team Dilly Bear (Dylan, Justin, Kelly, Brooke) – Invite to the wedding musta been lost in the mail, eh bud? 😉

100-1 White Bear Boys Class of 2011 (Middle Hoff, Middle Swan, Ihrke, Bowen) – At least one of the Swanson’s brought friends to this event! Spent 3 days in Chicago with these guys back in ‘15, mostly unknowingly, and what a blast it was. I’m certain of two things – 1) they can party and 2) they can’t golf. In all likelihood, they’ll combine with the 2011 White Bear girls group to form a 16-some that is (mostly) encouraged.

N/A Team “I’m So Weak” (Ram, Spider, Hagel, any of Sam Swanson’s Friends) – So glad you guys could make it this year. Commitment to the bit. We’ll see ya’ll at the Waterbury Open.

Mentally prepare yourself for the event of the summer, guys and gals. And if you’d like to “discuss” more about these odds just find me Saturday – friendly banter may help your odds.

-Matt Stang


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