3 Reasons Why Golf is the Best First Date

So you've finally gathered the courage to stutter and mumble your way through asking your crush on a first date, but now you have to decide what to do… You could take her to dinner and a movie – how original. Golf? “That is correct” (-Chris Farley as the fat funny guy in Billy Madison). Now since you’re probably a hack like the rest of us, let’s think outside the box and not just jump onto the tips and grind your way to a cool 120 at your local muni. You don’t want her realizing just how woefully un-athletic you are just yet, keep that mystique alive until she asks you to come to hot yoga with her one day. Let’s think something like Top Golf, or mini golf. Why, you ask? Well let me indulge you.

1) Conversation: Your general lack of wit and personality will shine through at dinner when you’re nervously stirring your drink desperately trying to think of something even remotely interesting to say. And no, she doesn’t care about your boy Brody butt chugging that Bud Diesel last week, save your breath. When you go to a place like mini golf, you’ll always have something to talk about. You know those brilliant one liners you always come up with while around a cute girl like, “hey, isn’t that dinosaur blocking the hole funny looking?!” or “man, I sure am glad we aren’t playing for money (nervous laughter)”. But seriously, if you can’t find one thing to talk about while mini golfing, just call it quits bud. You’re going to be crushing Natty Lites with your black lab named Chaz for the rest of your life.

2) Self-deprecating humor: This is always a decent route. Now now, I know what you’re thinking and no, you can’t bust out that “outrageously funny one liner” you used on Tinder to make out with like 3 chicks in 7 semesters of nothing but swiping right. Keep it semi-clean and funny. You’re going to have to lighten the mood on the 8th tee after you realize you opened up a 37 stroke lead on her and tomahawked that innocent clown after missing your 5 footer for par. Keep in mind, this isn’t high school football, your dad isn’t trying to relive his failed dreams through you (IT’S MY LIFE DAD LET ME LIVE IT HOW I WANT, woah, geez, sorry about that, let’s get back to business). Start tanking a bit, maybe toss one out of bounds and joke about it. But make sure you’re on your A game for the windmill hole, roll it right through with precise timing and act like it was nothing. Best case scenario she hits you with a, “I’ve never seen a guy work his putter like you can”. That’s it. Game. Set. Match. You just found your future wife (this guy gets it).

3) Story potential: Let's be real, if all goes well and in fifteen years your kids ask how mommy and daddy spent their first date, you should have a better answer than “at Olive Garden”. Now nothing against unlimited soup, salad, and breadsticks, but wouldn't a trip to Top Golf be a more of a highlight? One of my favorite things about Top Golf is the sea of targets you can pretend to be aiming for. She’s going to have no idea that you just skulled your wedge into the 175 yard target on accident, in her book you look like a super star who just nutted a wedge to the dead center of the green target. She doesn’t need to know you were eyeing up that 80 yard yellow target. Then when you guys are hanging at the bar after your range session you can bring up that time you “crushed a wedge 175 yards”.

Don’t be lame and bring her to another brewery just to make snide comments about the hipsters who dwell there, and certainly don’t be lame and bring her to your favorite chain restaurant for half price margs and mozzarella sticks. Be NOT lame and bring her golfing, you won’t regret it.

-Mike Hau and Bennett Smed