4 Things You've Heard From Your Local Sandbagger

Sandbagger (noun): a derogatory term for golfers who cheat by pretending to be worse than they actually are.

Every club on the planet has a sandbagger, there’s no way around it, I think it’s actually Newton’s 3^rd law or something? For every majestic golf club there is an equal and opposite insufferable sandbagger? Something like that. Anyway, here are the most common lines we’re used to hearing from them. For the sake of the blog, let’s call the ‘bagger Sandy.

“I swear I’ve never played this good!”

Buddy, I don’t even know where to start. Actually I do, your grammar is horrendous, I’m fairly certain you meant you’ve never played this “well”. You’re telling me you don’t recall saying that exact line the last 8 years of firing off a net 54 in the club championship? No, you don’t? Well we all do. Sandy, you wonder why no one ever wants to play with you at your weekly Saturday and Sunday 8am tee time… let me break it down for you, you finish in a blistering 6 hour pace, make that poor 13 year old caddie lug your cart bag across 7200 yards, tip him $1 a hole, AND make him listen to your intolerable rambling about the local BP not accepting your EXPIRED 2 cents off per gallon of gas coupon. I could go on and on, but you get the point. You’re golf’s equivalent of the “I would like to speak to your manager” lady.

“Why does no one want to play me for money anymore?”

Didn’t we just go over this? Seriously, you’ve been ‘bagging your way through the club for so long you couldn’t find a Lincoln in a single wallet. It’s not even about the money, it’s about you and that smug little grin on your face. That grin that makes us want to white wash your face in the bunker on 9. Maybe I will join you at 8am on Sunday…

“Jeez the wheels really fell off these last few holes!”

Now this joke really falls flat when you’ve played the front nine one under, have put me away after being 5 up with 4 to play, and you just happen to finish with a string of snowmans. Hey, look, you’re back to playing as an 18 handicap, what do you know! Sandy is the same kid who would be losing in beer pong on his own turf, then magically tell you about a house rule he just made up to make sure he won. “Yeah man, if you miss four shots in a row without hitting the table then make two – only on a day where it’s raining – then it’s an automatic win, house rules!” He’s also the kid who would run the door at his buddy’s party and ask, “who do you know here?” and, “sorry man, no more dudes” when he knows exactly one person at the party and hasn’t brought a girl anywhere except for that time he drove his little sister to soccer practice.

“So many sandbaggers at this club, it just gets so old!”

This is my personal favorite, it’s like a little kid farting then giggling while saying, “oh my god who did that?!”. Sandy, grow up, it didn’t work back in kindergarten, why do you think it’s going to work now?

via GIPHY

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-Mike Hau