Vegas Odds & Team Preview for the Swannies Open

The field is set! With 73 (well Jeff Biehn doesn’t really count, so 72), we’ve got nine 8somes sparring for the first ever Swannies Beer Olympics Golf Party. Well really you actually compete in teams of four, but eightsomes sounded like, well more than foursomes. Anyways, as would happen with any great sporting event of its time, Cow and Stang at Swannies HQ decided to handicap the field by way of a tournament preview. Apologies in advance for those that didn’t get nicknames or esoteric nonsense written about them.

  • 6-1 Team Uptown Bros (Jordan SWAGel, Sammy Slice, Luke “Ball is Life” Meisch, Kaci Blackmon) - BIG money has poured in on these guys with the late acquisitions of Luke and Kaci. It’s the definition of a well rounded team - a long ball, a putter, a guy who has won a slam dunk contest, a girl who can play according to the rumours on the street - all four of whom can drink. Ball is Life never lets you down from my experiences.
  • 6 -1 Ronnie and The Boys ((A)ron Elias, Colin O’Brien, Chris Plumb, Danny Quinn) - This might be the most well rounded crew in the tourney. A crowd favorite, (A)ron’s blackouts, Colin’s devilishly good looks, Danny’s charm, and Plumb’s comedic relief, this team can do it all. Just be prepared for (A)ron to blackout, transition to his alter ego, Ron, and start shoving his GoPro in your face. Danny is going to roast you under his breath, Colin is going to be wheeling your mom, and Plumb is going to be doing some goofyass dance. This is the group you love to hate. Likely scenario: They get to the finale, Ron passes out underneath the corn hole board, Colin’s at home with your Mom, Danny started a fight for someone else, Plumb is screaming “SEND IT” from the crowd not even realizing he should be playing.
  • 7-1 Team Big Thaw Aficionados (Matt Jensen, Justin Bachmeier, Lucas Duppler, Neal Hulstrand) - Ya know the guys that always end up at the massive rager, but only for an hour or two? You’re like did so and so show up last night? There are rumors of their appearance, but not much more.. No one seemed to catch a glimpse of em. That’s this squad. The Big Thaw 2.0 is here and if they can make their way into the beer olympics finale, they’ll be heavy favorites to take home the inaugural championship. Plus it’s a little home field advantage for Team Captain Bach.
  • 8-1 Team Chicks Dig The Long Ball (Andrew “AE” Ellefson, Biehn Bag, Zach Hoffman, TDB) - They’ve got the best player in the field and the worst player in the field on the same team. As bad as Bean is off the tee, he can roll the flat stick and drink a keg by himself. Plus Hoff can pound it.. off the tee that is. But they’ll only go as far as AE takes em..
  • 8 - 1 Fearsome Five Some (Ben Cudahy, Tom Kohen, Ryan Nelson, Ryan Laska, Kristen Pawek) - A truly odd crew, but its one of my favorites. Kristen hits the long ball and its going to be an advantage off the women’s tees. Tom is going to claim he had 14 hole in ones on the day (come on Kim Jong-Il, we only played 9 holes). Ben is the least roast-able friend I have so I’m not too sure where to go this one… wait what about that time you rolled out of bed and pissed all over Jeff’s floor while drunk? Ah…. never mind. Laska is the glue that holds this team together. The true ring leader Laska has grabbed the best of the best from all his friend groups and I absolutely love it, well played Laska, well played. A bunch of average golfers and one girl who can play, absolutely some of my favorites to win. But don’t worry, they will be penalized for having five players 
  • 8-1 Team White Bear meets Edina (Maddi Abrahamson, Sam Stang, Andrew James Whammy Housh, TBD) - Sarcasm comes in heavy doses with this squad. Naturally, they’re a bit more on the finesse side, which lends itself well on this 9-hole venue. A couple former White Bear women’s golfers; they’ll toss a couple darts out there on par 3s and try and sneak out a birdie or two on the par 4s. They’re one of three teams playing a rare home game, which will be vastly important since putting is their biggest question mark. Oak Glen’s tough pins and undulated greens could prove problematic.
  • 10-1 Team Ramsay (Big Ram, Little Ram, Andy Yetzer, Mark “The Beaver” Rosen) - Is Ram the best player I’ve come across in my days on the links? Not quite. But we think his game will excel on a course where his usual 50 yard hook won’t really come into play. Nothing like finally being able to line up at the pin for once, eh Ram? With Rosie and a couple unknowns, this is your traditional Gonzaga in the tourney. Yep, you’re the feel good 2 seed that everyone would love to see win. Plus the big offseason signing of Rosie “The Beaver” can only help come tourney time.
  • 10 - 1 Team Tequila (Steven Van Sloun, Kyle Kappel, Alex Wohl, Nick Abbot) - "Corey, Trevor, smokes” is their team motto. Kappel will probably rip a pack of cigs himself and Steve will be face down in the bunker with a bottle of Cuervo next to him by hole 4. Wohl is the self-proclaimed inventor of the tequila sandwich (slam a margarita then tequila shot then margarita). From what I hear about Abbot, he’s basically just a mini version of Wohl. These guys have a tough time toeing the line but if they can stay awake, they’ve got a good shot at hoisting the trophy.
  • 10 - 1 Scoot and The Gang (Mike McCabe, Carl Schwappach, Joey Schwappach, Austin Fowler) - A lethal combo of the best scooter-er (is that how you say it?) of all time, everyone’s favorite Schwappach brothers, and a head of hair that rivals Troy Polamalu. Gotta say this is probably the gooniest crew in the bunch. I’ve never seen someone punish a bottle of Ronnie D the way “Crazy” Carl Schwappach does. Even more terrifying, he can wake up and do it again the next morning. McCabe and Fowler may be siamese twins, legit haven’t seen one without the other. Joey is a wild card, never know what you’re gonna get with this kid, and thats part of his allure. This is the group on the course you want to get paired up with cause you’re going to walk away with some unreal stories. (and even more about McCabe’s personal accomplishments)
  • 12-1 Team Stillsville (Linq, Buddha O’Connell, Dan Brady, Matt Ruoho) - I honestly just really want to see Buddha swing a golf club
  • 12 -1 Team Calves (Ben Gavin, Tanna Rittmaster, Mehran Motevaze, Cody Komorouski) - Whether its genetics, or hard work, the world may never know, either way those are some FAT CALVES. Easily the best conditioned team of the bunch, watch out for these sleepers. Ben “Grandpa” Gavin and Mehran “Mern Pls” Motevaze bring a copious amount of drinking wisdom to this tourney. Cody is the definitely of a loose cannon, if they lose, I would plan on catching a right hook from the big man, bring your boxing gloves folks. I’ve only met Tanna once so I’m going to tread lightly here. All I know is she’s got Grandpa always within reach of her whip. If you didn’t sign up in time, just let the guy at the door know you know Mehran.
  • 12-1 Team I’m a Hockey Player Playing Golf Today (Michael Jordan, Cody Blom, Brandon Wahlin, Jake Wahlin) - See you guys at the Waterbury Open
  • 25 - 1 Team Butter Churners (Randy Kline, Matt Hruska, Mike Nelson, Jordan Anderson) - If these guys lose even one beer olympics event it will be a travesty. The golf is the least important activity of the day. Regardless, Land O Lakes corporate sponsored team will be sure to provide all of your butter and cottage cheese needs while on the course. (Side bet: over/under on “Randy’s” said during the day is at 69)
  • 35 - 1 Team HAM (Andrew Peters, Shelby Davidson, Margaret Arnold, Jack Behrrrrens) -  The biggest question on everyone’s mind is will Team Captain, Andrew Peters, be coherent at tee time or will he be passed out in the porta pottie in the parking lot? You can have the worst time at this event, but witnessing the greatness that is Andrew Peters will make the entire event worthwhile. He’s on the Mount Rushmore of this generation’s drinking legends along with John Daly and Matt Kalil (pan to Blarney’s on a Friday night) and Blam Daniels (see below). I do think Margie is a sneaky ringer though that could win this tournament on her own..
  • 35 -1 Team Brewers (Arthur Mueller, Christina Lewis, Michael Ihrke, Samuel Moore) - Not a lot of game film on these guys, but as a couple of hockey guys let’s just assume they can swing a stick. Plus the girl addition could be an advantage.  
  • 40 -1 Team 2 Guys, 1 Girl & 1 Gator (Beth Hoogengator, Skimpy Kemp, Terry Tilleson, Jill Nelson) - A Southpaw, a Gator, a Terry and Mike Nelson’s wife. Now that’s what I call a Swannies scramble crew. With Terry on staff you can lock these guys in for a long drive win, but getting themselves to the finals will be a challenge. That being said, this is the biggest value bet in the field - Terry and Skimpy always turn up when it’s game time.
  • 50 - 1 Team Ski-U-Mah (Ashley “A-Ray” Ray, Kasey Keener, Jakob Blucher, Wyatt Wenzel) - Again not much to work with for a scouting report, besides some international film of Wyatt playing hockey… but you’ve got at least one hockey player, maybe two, and a couple former U of MN cheerleaders - it’s an entertaining and intriguing squad on paper no doubt, but can they compete?
  • 100 - 1 Team Portabella (Blam Daniels, Jordan Schlansky, Sarah Flynn, Mitchell Johnson) - Are you taking shots with someone you’ve never met? And said person keeps performing hand stands while you’re trying to sink that clutch 2 footer for birdie after you nearly aced the hole? Chances are you’ve met “Blam”, the female version of Peters. The party doesn’t start till she arrives, 30 minutes from which point you’ll be blacked out. So here’s to Schlansky trying to nab a couple of strokes from her out there. Pour one out because I’m assuming Mitch and Sarah will be holding this group together for the majority of the round.


  • 서울오피 10/27/22

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  • Andrew Peters

    Don’t compare me to those posers Daly and Kalil.

    See you on the g̶o̶l̶f̶ drinking course.