What Your Favorite Golfer Says About You (Or, About Me)

Ian Poulter – Alright, I’m just going to come out swinging. If Ian’s your go to guy, chances are it’s a closet protest against America. What this man has done to us in Ryder Cups is simply unforgivable. He is 12-3 in his 15 Ryder Cup starts. It just doesn’t make sense; this “I’d like to speak to your manager” looking Brit doesn’t have a Major under his belt yet somehow he manages to dust us every two years in the battle over the Atlantic. Either he runs off of pure hatred for the Old Red White and Blue, or he’s found the perfect combination of Adderall and caffeine…. potentially both? But let’s take a step back and remember all the adversity Ian has overcome, like that time his nanny had to fly coach…..

Rickie Fowler – Now I’m torn here, I respect everything Rick does on and off the course, and in many ways he’s opened up the game to a wider, more casual audience.  I know he has toned it down a bit in the last few years, but I just can’t seem to forgive him for putting the idea in middle aged men’s heads that they can come to the course dressed looking like a giant banana. All jokes aside, I have so much respect for what Rickie does for the game, and for charities, and I hope he takes home a few majors in his career (preferably after putting the fruit-themed costumes to rest). Also, we can’t forget he dated this smoke. Good work, Rick. If Rick is your favorite player, you probably respect the changing of the guard and I’m alright with that.

Dustin Johnson – This man is the definition of “speak softly and carry a big stick”. He’s definitely doing Teddy R proud after getting shafted at Whistling with those absurd “bunkers” and three jacking 18 at Chambers against Jordan. I’m happy DJ came back with a vengeance in 2016.  Three W’s, his first major, and his life back on track, DJ ain’t messing around anymore. He’s swinging that big stick on the whole Tour, The Great One’s daughter, and presumably AA as well. From reformed party animal, to Major winner, DJ has nothing by my respect. Odds are if you like DJ, you probably don’t take yourself too seriously and enjoy having a good time. And if this doesn’t look like the greatest life in the world, I don’t know what does.

Rory McIlroy – Watching this guy send his tee ball into the stratosphere is one of my favorite things to do on a lazy Sunday; however, he snatched the Fedex Cup out of DJ’s hands last year which I’m understandably still pretty salty about. Yeah yeah, he jugged that 130-something yard wedge shot on 16 in the Tour Championship, and then proceeded to clown on Ryan Moore on the final hole of the playoff (once again on 16), but for some reason I just have a hard time liking the guy. I have to admit, nothing made me happier than Patrick Reed absolutely dropping a freedom bomb on Ricky in the Ryder Cup at Hazeltine this past September. If you like Rory, odds are you’re quite simply a fan of terrific ball striking. Also, can someone please tell me if this pic is photo-shopped or if we all just felt too bad to say something like with my aunt Cindy’s botox?

Tiger – You likely grew up watching him mercilessly run through everyone in his way. You can look past his off-the-course antics because you respect what he has done for the game. Listen to guys like Rocco talk about how Tiger did more for the game than anyone else, they respect the guy ‘cause even though he stole nearly every 1^st place trophy for like 20 years straight, he undoubtedly caused their paychecks to balloon. I’ll allow you to hate Tiger personally but you have to respect the man for growing our favorite game. We’re hoping Tiger sees some success this season, squarely because you almost have to be back on top to pull off the Erotic Santa look these days.

Let us know what you think of our picks (and pics) for the first Hot Take Tuesday of the new year!